Episode Transcript (beta)
Relationships: The Struggle is Real
Relationships: The Struggle is Real
Dating, Find True Love, Relationships, Online Dating, Divorce
When is a rough patch in your relationship the end of the line? In this episode, we get real about relationship struggles, and how personal struggles can shed light on your love. Join us for this laid-back chat about your struggles in love.
RELATIONSHIPS: THE STRUGGLE IS REAL If you bail when your relationship gets rough, you'll never find lifelong love. BUT, if you hang in there too long, you could waste your time and miss out on something great! How do you know what's right for you? Perhaps these accounts of two relationship struggles will shed some light on your situation.
Rob 00:00:25 Welcome back! Winona and I have a rather serious, even a somber message. That's about struggles. Winona 00:00:33 Struggles. Rob 00:00:34 You see, we recognize that there are two types of struggles when you're in a relationship there's personal struggles and there's relationship struggles, and we'll draw on two experiences to frame our discussion. Have you ever asked yourself when are relationship struggles worth working through and when should they should simply just be the end of the relationship?
Winona 00:00:59 That depends on what happened. That the reason why you are struggling depends on what happened. Yes.
Rob 00:01:06 Let's talk a little bit about Josh and Janice. See Josh and Janice were two lovebirds and they met in the spring and they fell deeply in love over the summer. Josh loved the role of being the servant leader, but perhaps he took that a bit too far. You see, he was at Janice’s beck and call and he would place her desires over his own needs. He expressed love through sacrifice and she loved the attention he was given. Okay, well, the problem is Janice was a highly independent woman. She had been a single mom for years with her own family, trying to tell her that she just can't do it alone. Life was a struggle at times, but she got it done and that “I don't need help” spirit had become part of her identity. Now for truth, that quality was really attractive to Josh because he really did not want a needy, clingy girlfriend, but he did want a relationship where they could lean on and support each other. That’s teamwork, right? Yes. Yeah. So when a certain situation surfaced for her son in the fall, Janice started to withdraw from the relationship. The more Josh tried to help, the stronger her “I don't need help” spirit came through. Their relationship became a heartbreaking struggle. So, honey, what do you think this couple should do? What do you do if your love interests will not accept your help?
Winona 00:02:39 Hmm. Well, Josh and Janice talked to each other, correct?
Rob 00:02:47 Yes. Of course, and those discussions were more like, Hey, I can help. I don't want you to help. Do you realize we can accomplish more together? If you let me help? And she, well, you're going to need to set this one out because I need to take care of this.
Winona 00:03:04 Okay. Also, it could have been about her son and it did today. It might have been, her wanting to break off things and using her son as a reason to break up things by saying, Oh no, I don't need your help with it. I can handle it. That's one way to look at it. The other way is she has been such a independent person that it's hard for her to actually get the help from the person. Does that make sense?
Rob 00:03:35 Okay. And that's what Josh kind of figured. When we talked, he did not express that he thought that she was trying to break things off because over the summer she was the one wanting to get deeper into relationship. And he kind of went with that and thought that, Hey, she's planning for us to go all the way to marriage. And beyond that, we were going to spend the rest of their lives together. But that clearly was not the case because this couple did, did not make it. Josh kept trying to help more and more. It's a lot like that old James Ingram song... I gave my all, but I guess my all has been too much, Winona 00:04:15 Sorry.
Rob 00:04:16 Well, I did my best but I guess my best wasn't good enough. I gave my all, but I guess my all may have been too much... and in doing so, he was never really sure if she started taking him for granted in all the sacrifices that he was making or truly, she just needed to show him I can do this and I don't need your help. Maybe she needed to show the world and their relationship paid the price for it. But at the end of the day, she broke up with him and he had a revelation. Well, we'll get to his revelation in a little bit. It took nearly two years for Josh to get over Janice. And that was a whirlwind of grief and loneliness and rebound relationships. And finally that revelation that I talked about, thinking that he was ready for anything, Josh entered into another deep relationship.
Rob 00:05:13 And this time it was with Celeste. Now, both Celeste and Josh had good careers. They had stable lives and they both lived God-honoring lives. They got engaged and they started planning their lives together with no concerns... until.... Well, they were about three months from their wedding. And Celeste caught up with Josh after work for dinner one day. And he was clearly lost within himself. He was so downtrodden and depressed. He looked stunned, almost shell shocked. And when she asked what's wrong, she could feel the pain in his response. He disclosed that he was suspended from work that day. He says, I'm under investigation for sexual misconduct and attempted rape. What do you think Celeste should do?
Winona 00:06:10 Oh, she probably got out of the relationship because of what he did say it perhaps. Or did she ask him what happened?
Rob 00:06:19 Well, yeah, Celeste was shocked. No doubt. But she realized she was not marrying a man who was a mystery to her. She knew his heart beyond his words. She knew his character. She knew in her heart that this is not something that he could do. And so she did not ask him whether or not he did it. She simply asked what happened. He let her know that, uh, when he got to work that morning, HR intercepted him on his way to his desk. And they took him to an office, to the conference room and they started interrogating him about his whereabouts the previous day. Where were you over lunchtime? He says, yeah, I had went on a prayer walk. Were you walking with anybody? No, I was by myself. I do my prayer walks by myself. Why did you leave work early? It shows that your car arrived in the morning and you did not leave campus for lunch.
Rob 00:07:17 You did not leave campus until about two o'clock in the afternoon. That's a little bit early. Why did you leave early? And he said, well, we had that appointment for our planning, our wedding. So yeah, I left work early to help us plan our wedding. But that's, that's what my day was like. I, I put in a good morning’s worth of work. I went out for a prayer walk over lunch and I left early in the afternoon to help plan my wedding. No, I was spending my time with God and with my fiance, I wasn't raping anybody. And they said, well, that's not what the victim says. And he asked, well, who's the victim? And they said, well, nice try. But we think you know who the victim is, hand over your badge. Hand over your access card, hand over your company, laptop, you are hereby suspended until further notice. We will be in touch with you, but don't leave town because these are serious allegations. Winona 00:08:15 Interesting. And what happened?
Rob 00:08:19 Would you believe him?
Winona 00:08:21 What happened? Would it be easy to say he was on a prayer walk and they said that and they noticed that his car was not moved. Okay. Okay. So this very interesting,
Rob 00:08:34 Well, after a few days, and these were long days and Celeste showed a level of compassion for him that was actually refreshing and surprising for him. There's been times in his life where he's gone through some rough stuff and there was nobody to lean on, but Celeste stayed by his side. He was fearful that she was going to say, uh, you need to figure this out. You need to work this out and I'm not even gonna consider moving forward with you until this is worked out. Okay. That's what you figured out. And it wasn't fearing. Because he didn't fear things not working out. He feared her having that response and then confirming or him realizing that she is not the one for him, but she stayed by his side. And he got that phone call a few days later and they said, come on and report to security.
Rob 00:09:32 Okay. And he went in and went to security. He went in and actually Celeste went with him, she called off work that day. She went to stand by her man. They sat him down in that same conference room security guy walked in and explained, uh, sir, please accept our apologies for this misunderstanding. It was someone else. And he said, you have been absolved of these allegations. Here's your company computer back. Here's your access card. And here's your badge. HR has approved me to let you know that the time that you have been off, it will be paid and you can have the rest of this week off. Um, and once again, we apologize, but I hope you understand. We had to follow through. These are the procedures that we had to follow and they'll relieved. Josh had to ask, well, what happened? And what made you realize I did not do this?
Rob 00:10:28 He said, well, first of all, you were so emphatic that you were on a prayer walk. We've never had anyone tell us that before, but we went back and it took us a few days to get all the security footage, but we've got cameras all over this campus. And sure enough, we saw you on a video recording walking around campus by yourself. Exactly. Like you said, there's no way you could have been in that conference room at a time that this happened. And when this young lady was found in the conference room in a very compromising position before we had turned the lights on the assailant or supposed assailant ducked out of the back door of the same conference room. So we did not see who it was. And the young lady said that she had gone into that room with a coworker to go over some briefing slides. Rob 00:11:16 And the guy turned off and she was attacked and she was really shaken up about it. Well, it turns out she was having an affair with somebody else and didn't want to get that other person in trouble, this coworker. And so she made up a story about being attacked because it was consensual. They just got caught. And she pointed the finger at you as the first name that just came to her mind. But when we realized that it could not have been you, she confessed to what, what really happened. And that was that bad. It was bad. Now the revelation that Josh had before, he realized that a man and wife have to work together as a team. If there's going to be one person on earth, one person who's got his back. One person who believes in him, even when he's so beat down that he stops believing in himself.
Rob 00:12:11 If there's going to be one person who will stand by his side through anything and everything that one person has got to be my wife, he says, when you see, we often choose to marry the one who makes us happy. The one who makes us laugh. And then when you get to a point in marriage, when you're not laughing, you can start to think that the marriage was not the right decision. You can start to think I would be happier if I had just stayed by myself. But when you find that someone who will implicitly believe in you and someone that you believe in also that is far better than a fleeting good feeling, that my dear, that is real love.