Episode Transcript (beta)

Relationships: What is Love?

Dating, Find True Love, Relationships, Online Dating, Divorce, Marriage, Engagement

When you say "I Love You", or when someone says it to you... what does that really mean? Were they lying if they leave you? Was it just a momentary truth?

This discussion provides great insight for singles, dating couples, engaged, and even married couples. Join Winona and Rob as they reach a conclusion on this confounding topic!

Winona 00:00:11 Hello. We are the promise of love. Bring it to you. The love effect,

Rob 00:00:17 A podcast that brings you real insight and real stories about real relationships. Welcome back. This is Rob and today I'm taking one. No-no completely by surprise. She doesn't even know the topic today. And I don't know if we even have the same opinion on this.

Winona 00:00:37 That's a good thing.

Rob 00:00:40 Okay. So when I was in my singleness, one relationship in particular made me really ponder this question. I asked my men's group. I asked Facebook, I asked myself What is love? So today, honey, that's the question I have for you. What is love?

Winona 00:00:59 I love the way I look at it. Love is between a man and a woman. Of course. Um, when you're looking for love, you are looking for that person that has the same heart as God. That's most definitely the first thing that you need to be looking at and looking for in a person. And if they don't have that quality from your perspective, then it's only to the actually not, I can't say onto the next person, I basically would say, um, wait for what God is the person that God's going to send to you.

Rob 00:01:34 So when you say someone who has the same heart for God, you're talking similar to yourself. Oh yeah. If you do have a heart for God and you find someone who also does, [Winona] then that's a wonderful relationship. [Rob] Well, it's interesting that you go in that direction because one of my Facebook contacts, they gave me the almost cliche response of “love is God”. And I said, well, the answer to me that, that, that fell kind of short of the answer. The insight that I was looking for, yes, God shows us love, but our English language is far too deficient for that phrase to provide the insight that I was looking for. God shows us Agape love, which is a selfless unmerited, universal love, but there's also Eros, which is a romantic and passionate love. There's also Philia, that brotherly love loving your neighbor. So is that what you mean when you say I love you?

Winona 00:02:35 I mean, you can say that. Yes. Like you just broke it down. There is different types of love and you just broke that down. Of course. Okay. So that's going back to, then what you're saying in the beginning, the love is between a man and a woman, correct?

Rob 00:02:53 Well, that's what you said. Let's go with that.

Winona 00:02:56 Okay. But you okay? Sure. Because you didn't say,

Rob 00:03:00 I just asked what is love? How do you know when you love someone? When you meet someone and you get to know them and you decide, you want to say those three words, I love you. What do you really mean? And how do you know when to say that? [Winona] Oh wow. [Rob] If someone says to you, I love you. How do you receive that? It seems to be so, so dependent on context, someone could say, I love you in the heat of the moment you just got off this crazy rollercoaster and you survived. And in that rush, that heat of the moment you say, I love you. And it's really just a moment that took you over.

Winona 00:03:39 Yeah. Because you, at that moment, you’re supposed it to say that and don't even really mean it. So yeah. It's just,

Rob 00:03:47 Or it could be well thought out. Not quite so romantic that way. Yeah. But is it more heartfelt? Is it more meaningful if it's thought out that way, if you've pondered it and thought about, okay, this is what I really mean. It takes all the fun and romance out of it. Doesn't it, isn't it more romantic to just be walking along in the Moonlight and your hand is snatched and you look into his eyes and he says, I love you.

Winona 00:04:16 That is nice and romantic, but he also needs to know deep down in your heart and that, you know, that that person loves you as a person. I mean, anybody does, like you said to say, all of you, you know, but do they really mean it?

Rob 00:04:31 So whenever I first said, I love you to you. I had thought it out. And of course after I thought it out, I knew what I was saying have waited for the right moment. But then there was not, the, some might consider the obligatory response. You did not, you did not reciprocate in the moment. Tell me a little bit about that in that decision. And what made you actually decide to finally say it when you did?

Winona 00:04:58 Cause we had to been together for a little bit longer. Um, after you said, I'll let you wait. Um, soon as I said it, um, so my feelings were different

Rob 00:05:10 Feelings were different. All right. So that relationship that I had talked about that made me ponder this question. It made me realize something and something that kind of takes some guts to admit is he admit, I admitted this to my men's group, that I was not particularly attracted to the girl. It turns out I was rebounding and I loved the attention that I was getting. I didn't particularly love the person who was giving me the attention. So for real, that was more of a self-centered merit-based love. Right? So when things got rough in that relationship, that relationship was over. It was because there was no Pragma. Pragma is a committed longterm, enduring love. So honey, have you ever felt love or have you ever received love without it being that long term enduring love? Like how someone that you thought who you thought loved you and they were very quick to walk away.

Rob 00:06:16 Um, whenever perhaps the relationship has served the purpose for them. Winona Several times, several times. Rob So how can you tell, is there any indication that you might have that there is only a passionate love, but there's not the enduring and longterm love, which is Pragma. [Winona] I don't know. [Rob] Well, would we do teach a course on this, um, Steps to Find True Love. And whenever we talk about finding true love, um, it does address that question, right? Because there is no easy answer to it. It's not something that... that was a trick question. I'm sorry, honey. That's fine. But uh, to ask you to give a quick answer in a podcast, that's somewhat unfair because there is not a quick answer to it. You know, see the word love can also equate to passion and affection, selflessness, playfulness, and more, but true love. True love, always enduring.

Rob 00:07:19 When you can love, despite the circumstances, when you can love amidst the enemy's advances. When you can realize that the best romance is any ordinary heart abiding thing that enhances the depth of your relationship with your love. And I hope that we all find a way to find true love. Hey, thanks for tuning into the love effect. Respectfully, we ask you to hit that subscribe button to help us keep this going. And if you'd really like some detail, some guidance on how to find and confirm true love. Come visit us at stepstofindtruelove.com. That's www.stepstofindtruelove.com blessings to you.