Episode Transcript (beta)

Online Dating:
Finding Beautiful

Dating, Find True Love, Relationships, Online Dating, Divorce
Winona 00:00:16 Welcome back. This is Winona. And today I'm going to put Rob on the spot.
Rob:       Uh oh...
Winona:    Well, you're right. You should be worried. It's okay. Careful what you say here though?
Rob 00:00:33 I don't know if I'm ready for this.
Winona 00:00:36 Aw yeah, you migh'swell get ready. So here it goes. When you were looking for me, what was the most beautiful, important thing? What was beautiful to you?
Rob 00:00:50 As you know, we met online and I'm not going to give your full screen name, but the word beautiful was in it. And that actually it caught my attention. Cause you know, everybody wants to be with someone who's beautiful. And so I looked at your profile picture and you know what? You were cute as a button!
Winona 00:01:14 I still am.
Rob 00:01:16 I don't even know what that means. I'm buttons to me aren't cute. So where did that saying come from? It's silly! Well you were you were actually very, very pretty in your picture, but it was what you said in your profile write-up. Some of the things that you talked about, I can start to see your heart. And that was the beauty that drew me into you. There were other people that reached out to me and sometimes I look at them, look up what they wrote up, and ask myself, why, why would they even think I would respond? We've got nothing in common is nothing. If you read my profile, there's nothing about what I said. That would make what you're saying sound beautiful. I couldn't understand that. But yours, yours really aligned with me. So, you know, turnabout is fair play. I'm going to ask you the same question. Now, what was attractive, actually not just from your perspective, what is attractive from a woman's perspective, when you're looking at profiles in online dating?
Winona 00:02:27 I mean, just like you were saying, you really do want to look at the person's profile and in one, make sure they know how to spell. Two, I mean, you definitely want to check in, see how, how they word what they're syaing. And especially with this coming, you can usually you can tell, especially with your profile, pretty much could tell that you were a writer before I even knew that you're a writer because you used such detail in your online profile, yeah. Rob Indeed. I mean, there's a lot of profiles that you read that are just so superficial. It almost looked like a cut and pasted from somewhere. Well get it from someone else to say, let me just paste this in. They, they pencil-whipped it just to get their profile out there. And then you start to realize, well, if you're putting that much effort into this, how much effort are you going to put it into a relationship?
Winona 00:03:37 Wow, that's good... real good.
Rob 00:03:40 So the things that you just mentioned yeah. How descriptive they are in that profile. Um, what they talk about... would you say that those are interests that were specific to Winona, or do you think that's a universal desire of women to see in write-ups?
Winona 00:03:59 I think that's a universal for all women, because a lot of people on the profile and I was... looking at a lot of profiles that I had, I had seen on there. Um, a lot of them was putting it on very, very heavy and wanting to go straight into talking about sex and all the different stuff like that. Yeah. And that was on a lot of different sites. Yes. You're going to talk about that, but don't have, that is, that is such a huge may focus in your profile.
Rob 00:04:29 I have to be honest with you. I did something that they may not be totally on the up and up, but it was research. It was research, is the name of research. Yeah. Um, before I established my, my actual profile, I created a fake profile. I created a fake woman's profile because I wanted to see what other guys would say to women to see what my competition was to see what's out there. What not what's out there, but see, whenever I write somebody, what am I being compared to? Wow.
Winona 00:05:07 I didn't do that with my profile, but okay. So did that work for you?
Rob 00:05:12 Well, it did confirm what you just said. Um, many guys would just reach out saying, you know, getting right to the, Hey, why don't you come on over for drinks and watch some fun, or it was just ridiculous. Superficial things that they write about. Talk about their pictures were very, um, self centered narcissistic really. And I thought, wow, this is, this is really sad. And I can see why women would be very turned off from online dating. If this is the bulk of what they're getting. And it helped me to realize that I needed to find a way to stand out. Now, a lot of guys, whenever they think they're standing out in their profile, they think it's because they've got this picture of themselves with, you know, ripped abs and sunglasses on at the beach. I'm on my jet skies or on my motorcycle. And they think those are the things that are going to be going to help them stand out. But the reality is most guys are presenting pictures like that. And so you don't stand. I actually blend in to the, to the mess that's out there. And I've always felt that what makes me stand out is what's on my inside is my heart, my sincerity. And I decided that's what I'm going to portray when I reached out there, apparently it's snagged a beautiful woman.
Winona 00:06:52 So I've got to ask the opposite question. What was a turnoff when you were meeting women online?
Rob 00:07:00 So I get it, I get it. There have been so many bad experiences, so many bad experiences that women have had from the get go, whether it be the initial contact to you actually went out on a date with someone and two minutes in they want to go to bed. I get that. You've had tons of bad experiences. Well, one of the things that was a turnoff for me is wherever the woman brought that bad experience back to their profile and started talking about if you're this kind of way, if you're that kind of way, then step away from me because I'm not into that. I'm like, um, okay. Um, I'm, I'm seeing a little attitude come out here. That is a bit of a turnoff. And if there wasn't a lot of positivity in the profile to counteract that, then I actually would not bother. If the most of what I saw was that attitudinal pushback. Then I'd wonder, is that attitude override their beauty?
Winona 00:08:11 Can I agree to disagree with that one? We just want to say that because a lot of women may put that part in their profile, but they might also come back with saying, you know, they really want somebody, that is going to be serious.
Rob 00:08:27 Now, I'm down with that... I'm down with that. Yeah. And that's the part where I said, if the negativity outweighs the positivity, then I would stand away. If there was a lot of positivity and there's this footnote of... this footnote of I'm not as that sort of thing. Then, like I said, I can understand that, but please don't look that, don't let that out-shine the beauty that is.
Winona 00:08:56 But I do understand that a lot of when we would look for guys and it's not that you know, am I good to say that I got hurt by a whole bunch of people or different stuff like that. A lot of women are putting that part on there because they want to, like I said, find someone that is going to be serious about the relationship, not just for play.
Rob 00:09:18 Well on that note. Something else that was not so attractive to me was when most, or all the profile pictures were with them at a bar or a party with a drink in their hand. I mean, okay, that, that cannot be our, why this cool that you liked to go out and socialize. But if every picture you have is, you know, with your martini or margarita or your daiquiri or something, then it kind of paints a picture that that's all you are.
Winona 00:09:56 Yeah. Well maybe some women would do that, maybe that's only picture they had, again, agree to disagree. That might be the only one. The only pictures they had. Two, I'm not saying that, you know, be drunk every day because that is not what you're supposed to do, but you know, what they may be showing on there is a picture they have, of their social life. So they like to, they may be an extroverted person and they liked to socialize. That could be the type of picture they have that's on there, it could be going to a bar. It could be the birthday party. You know, sometimes a lot, most of my pictures say a picture, says a thousand words, something like that. I mean, you have to really count to know what was going on in the picture. It it be that they're alcoholic just because you see that they're drinking all the time.
Rob 00:10:46 Well, I guess what I'm saying is if that's all there is... Winona 00:10:52 Yeah, but won't know that until you get to know the person, you know,
Rob 00:10:56 There's 10 pictures in the profile, 10 pictures, they have eight pictures of them at bars drinking and partying, and they've got to have their dog, where is you? Just, just you? What do you enjoy doing, do you enjoy? Um, I, yeah, I know your not going to take a picture of yourself reading, but you know, there's, there's things that you can do this besides, like you said, you're not partying all the time. What are you portraying of yourself and do your pictures match your profile?
Winona 00:11:35 So are you saying that when a person does their profile, they should have a variety of pictures. Some of them are socialites. Some if they are, they do enjoy reading. Some, if they love their pets, pictures of them with their pets and then some pictures of them by themself. So you're saying that should have a variety of photos of, of themselves. So that way it gives a person the chance to know who that person is.
Rob 00:12:04 Thank you, Honey. You just brought a phrase to mind... there is beauty in balance. There's beauty in balance.
Winona 00:12:12 That's good.
Rob 00:12:16 So what about you? What was a turnoff as you're looking? Of course there was a turnoff of guys saying, Hey, come on over and do whatever, but besides that if someone didn't approach you sideways like that. What about them could be negative a turn off for you?
Winona 00:12:42 Um, that have to be clean. I know that sounds funny, but you, you get a lot of people that clean. They have to be clean, cleanliness is so wonderful because you don't want, I don't know. I just, I like the face your hair is cleaned up, and actually I really love a well-manicured man, and hair. I prefer either that you have dreads, long dreads. Or you're going to have no hair. A low hair cut. It needs to be clean-cut, and smell good. And um,
Rob 00:13:17 I was going to say, when you say clean, I was wondering, how are you going to tell when the last shower was from a photo?
Winona 00:13:24 Oh, you can look at some people's photos. Cause some of them if they're not that clean you're gonna see it. They may have dirt underneath their nails. Yeah. I've seen a lot.
Rob 00:13:37 Yeah. That would be ugly, that'd be real ugly.
Winona 00:13:41 I mean, even if they work for like, um, they're outdoors and stuff like that, um, still clean.
Rob 00:13:53 And even if she were not able to see that picture, that's something that you'd pick up real quick on, on that first meet-up. So, you know, there's something beautiful about everyone, but it seems we're all programmed to conform, to society's opinion of what beauty is. You know, there is what the general public says is beautiful. Sometimes we're attracted to something because it's what society says. Oh, she's young, slim. She must, she, I consider her review. Oh, he's young and muscular. Consider him to be beautiful. But sometimes you meet someone who was aesthetically beautiful. And the moment you start hearing the things that are coming out of their heart, their beauty dissipates, they become kind of ugly. Right? Yeah. So when we look at things through the lens of our culture, we can fool ourselves into seeing something that's not really there. So don't buy into that, understand that the beauty that you put on display will turn the beauty that comes back to you.
Rob 00:15:08 If you present yourself as a high glamorous party person, you're probably gonna attract shallow relationships, but instead focus on your qualities of sincerity, kindness, joy, and faithfulness. Definitely bring that out. If you and faithfulness, you believe in loyalty, express that. Let that be clear. I know that's boring stuff. That's really boring. And you won't have as many people knocking at the door of your profile. If you're focusing on those things, but really you don't need a bunch of people contacting you. You just need the right one. This is true. So if you're going to look for love that lasts, present a love that has lasting qualities. Go deep. Winona Go deep. Rob Hey, thanks for tuning into The Love Effect. Respectfully. We ask you to hit that subscribe button to help us keep this down. And it's really like some detailed guidance on how to find them confirm true love. Come visit us at stepstofindtruelove.com. That's www.stepstofindtruelove.com blessings to you.